HELPING OTHERS REACH HIGHER
My life has not always been a smooth sail, I have had major high and major lows, if I can describe my life in a few words that would be one big rollercoaster.
I come from Kenya; a country in East Africa. After a traumatic childhood, my mom who was a single parent, passed away when I was 14, then my relatives took us in which I am incredibly grateful for, then I went to study in the UK, graduated then soon after got married.
He was abusive and narcissistic, he too had a traumatic childhood, we were two unhealed souls that thought we could heal together just because we understood each other's pain and past.
He did not want me having children, so when I fell pregnant after 7 years of marriage, he got nastier and angrier, I knew it was a bad idea to bring a child in the situation but I thought if we had a child that would calm him down but that was never the case.
Then one day things escalated when he pushed me out of the door with my baby a few months old in the pram, I knew it was time to leave. I was not going to go back to him that day, but I decided to go back and have a better plan because I did not know where to go. I decided to ring a women's refuge who then took me in, I felt alone and scared, but it was the best thing I could have done, I move out of the city I was at the time and felt further alone as I did not have family in the UK.
I found a charity that stood with me, it was a bright light in my life while I felt engulfed in darkness, I will forever be grateful to them for the support they gave me to this day.
What I would advise a woman going through abuse now based on my experience is to find a good organization that can support her through the time they are planning to leave the situation, it makes it so much easier as you have people who can guide and support you through out that period.
I lived in and out of refuge for two years and met the strongest and bravest women I have ever met, most had gone through way worse than I had gone through, we cried in each other's shoulders, ate together, and encouraged each other.
The most shocking thing to me was that I felt more loved and accepted than any other place I have been during my time in the UK, that is because we understood each other and bonded in a way we could not bond with people who had not experienced what most of us had gone through.
I then felt a calling to help other women who had been abused, I saw many women return to their abuser and not having any practical help that could help them move out of the abuse cycle, in fact most ended up deeper into a life of drugs and toxic relationships. I remember seeing self-harm for the first time and many women learning from each other that that is an effective way to release pain.
I also witnessed alcoholism and drug taking, although not allowed, women found ways to sneak them in. I did not know exactly how I could help, first I thought of writing a book and then creating a course but then I realized that I too had a long healing process that need to happen before I could help others.
That was 3yrs ago, since then I have been on a self-improvement journey, I have learnt enough to get me out of generational cycle of abuse, what helped me get on the healing path was joining Facebook group of mothers who had gone through what I had gone through, I learnt about Narcissism and childhood trauma and everything started making sense to me.
Both my mother and grandmother flee domestic violence and I do not know how many more women in my family line have had to flee from abuse, but it had to so stop with me, I have two daughters and I have to make sure that I learn the best way to prevent the cycle repeating. I learnt that conditioning, childhood trauma and upbringing plays an important role in allowing the cycle to keep going.
Mothers tend to pass their beliefs to their children, who then pass them to their children, its ok if the belief are empowering however, it can be disastrous if the beliefs are disempowering. My life has totally changed, I am now more confident and feel more empowered as a mother, and free from self-loath that I felt all my life.
I am now an internationally accredited moms transition Coach, doing what I love and giving back to the community by using my experience to help others find healing and live up to their full potential.